St. Nicholas

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Parodies inspired by Slappy Holiday

Postcard: Austria
St Nicholas Center Collection

"St. Nicholas, who would later become the model for Santa Claus, attended the Council of Nicea, which affirmed the deity of Christ. Not only that, he got so fed up at the heretic Arius that he went up and slapped him, for which he had to apologize."

Bloggers posted the following parodies of familiar Santa Claus songs and verse on Gene Veith's Cranach Blog in response to Slappy Holiday. They are humorous retelliings of Bishop Nicholas at the Council of Nicaea.

to the tune of "Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer"

Arius the red-faced heretic
Has a very shiny cheek.
That's 'cause Saint Nic'las wasn't
Acting oh-so-very meek.

All of the other bishops
Gasped and shouted, "Hey, Nicky:
Brother, you just can't clobber
One with whom you don't agree."

Then, in smoke-filled conference,
Bishops joined to say,
"Nicky, with your hand of dread,
You can't knock off Arius' head!"

But Ol' Nick was sorry
For his act of violence.
And then, to all the bishops,
Santa Claus, he did repent.

Then all the bishops loved him,
And they shouted out with glee,
"Nic'las of Myra, brother,
We forgive your injury!"

Posted by: Orycteropus

To the tune of "Here Comes Santa Claus"

Here comes Santa Claus,
Here comes Santa Claus,
Right down th'council hall:
All the fathers
Startled by his
Great display of gall!
Now, we know it wasn't right
To smack ol'Arius down,
And he'll say sorry, but we know
Why Nicholas went to town.

to the tune of "Jolly Old St. Nicholas"

Jolly old St. Nicholas,
Lean your ear this way,
Don't you tell a single soul
What I'm gonna say,

We know you were really ticked,
But, you dear old man,
Shouldn't hit the heretic,
Even if you can—

(say sorry, Santa please say sorry)

Arius is gonna know
Why he's teaching wrong,
Nicene council's gonna show
Him a better song.

Posted by: pgepps

with echoes of "Twas the Night Before Christmas"

‘Twas the night of the Council,
When all through the hall,
The bishop’s were whisp’ring,
“Of all of the gall!”

The soldiers were stationed
Outside of his cell
To keep old Saint Nicholas
From ringing the bell

Of a bishop called Arius,
Who said he believed
That John in his Gospel
Had tried to deceive

Believers by saying
That Jesus was God,
And not just a man
(“That John was a fraud!”).

Old Nicholas replied
With a slap in the face,
In front of the emperor—
Oh, what a disgrace!

Now, locked in his cell,
Bishop Nicholas saw
The Virgin and Jesus,
Who laid down the law,

“No slapping of heretics,
“Bishop or priest!
“Show love to our enemies,
“And you’ll be released.”

To the emperor and bishops
These Blessed Ones came,
“If Nicholas is sorry,
“Restore his good name.”

So then in the Council,
Saint Nicholas said,
“I’m sorry, your highness,
“For losing my head.

“For Arius I’ll pray now
“And hope that he’ll see
“That God, who is One,
“Is the Trinity,

“And Jesus, though man,
“With a body like ours,
“Is True God of True God,
“With all of God’s powers.

“To God the Father,
“All creatures shall raise
“Their hymns of joy
“And unceasing praise.

“To God the Son,
“To Jesus, our King,
“Our unending praises
“We also will sing.

“And to God the Spirit,
“The Three in the One,
“Our praises unending
“Will never be done.”

Posted by: Damon Hickey


From Gene Veith's Cranach: the Blog of Veith, a blog on Christianity, Culture & Vocation. Used by permission.

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